Incurable Insane (ZaDr)
by snakehands
Summary: I wrote this from my own personal experiences during a very hard time in my life; adjusting to a devastating bipolar disorder diagnosis (and the 'medication roulette' that followed) from the perspective of someone living it. All of these strange episodes Zim has are things I've really done. Dib represents my Husband and what I put him through at that time.
1. Chapter 1

It:

'It' existed. It snapped to awareness in a frenzy of growling and biting. For a millisecond It had no idea what was going on but then It became aware of a being shaking It by the shoulders and making strange noises. It focused on this thing; fought harder against the restraints and began snapping sharp teeth so furiously they sliced up the insides of Its cheeks with razor-sharp edges. It managed to bite the being several times before it backed off. The being stopped making sounds and simply stood, arms lax and dripping blood that was both red and blue, just . . . staring. The awareness growled menacingly deep in its throat. It felt cornered, trapped, confused. Where was It? What was It? It didn't want to take Its gaze off of the strange being but quickly flicked Its eyes to the side once to take in the environment. It was in a cave of some sort, dimly lit, and It was tied to something soft. There was machinery all over the walls, flashing lights.

The being said something and its soft voice caused a strange reaction; It suddenly knew this being; it was 'Dib'. It suddenly knew Itself was 'he', It was 'Zim!' That one sentence Dib uttered in hopelessness crashed through the wall that had been forcefully erected around Zim's consciousness. Dib's expression changed then, as if he had seen something unexpected. A single tear formed in the corner of one eye and he took a step forward,

"Zim?"

A loud click and the spell was instantly broken. 'It' no longer was.

Dib:

Something different had happened. He had seen 'his' Zim for a split second, he knew he did! Zim's eyes had shined, deeply red and silently imploring, for a moment before his PAK shut him down again. Zim had been non-responsive when Dib woke up that morning – as usual. He untied Zim from the chair he spent every night strapped to and moved him around from room to room as he went about his day, re-strapping him to chairs when he was going to be anywhere for any length of time; this was a necessary precaution. Dib talked to him. In this state Zim never replied, but his PAK would sometimes through Zim's mouth, cold and expressionless. Zim was easily lead around the house with a gentle pull on his hand or push on his shoulder. Dib hated that Zim was like this, hated that he couldn't fix it no matter how hard he tried; he couldn't bring 'his' Zim back. All Dib could do is wait and treat this creature as if nothing was wrong and not give up hope that Zim would eventually be able to fix himself.

Dib had pushed Zim too far, that's what caused the reversion and the fight. He saw the warning signs as he questioned the PAK but he was so frustrated, so desperate, he continued his interrogation anyway.

"State your name and rank," Dib had ordered after he had been working on the computer in the lower labs for 3 hours straight. He needed a break.

"Elite Irken Zim," the PAK replied flatly through Zim's mouth. Zim's eyes were far away and empty.

"State your rank," Dib tried again. After a few moments the PAK clicked and Zim replied, "No rank possible."

"Why?" Dib asked, already knowing the answer.

"Conflicting information."

"State conflicting information."

"Invader; Food service drone; Exile; Specimen." That last one was the problem. Zim had disappeared suddenly five years ago. After Zim hadn't shown up to school Dib went to his base only to find it missing. Everything was gone. Dib had assumed he had returned to space, possibly back to Irk but there was no way for him to know for sure. He was sad about losing his friend but felt a sense of satisfaction that the day before Zim disappeared they had finally dissolved their three year long feud. At least Dib thought they did.

"Which rank was assigned by the Control Brains?"

"Information unknown."

"Why?"

"File corrupted."

That was another hurdle Dib kept encountering. Much of the original information in Zim's PAK had been tampered with.

"Retain Invader status and erase all other information." Dib had tried this before.

"Request denied." It was the same response the PAK had given him that time also.

"It wasn't a request, it was an order!" Dib insisted.

"Order denied." The PAK replied. Zim's forehead creased slightly. Dib usually chose his words and prodding carefully when Zim's body reacted like this, knowing how easy it was to inadvertently trigger his violent Irken id. There will be no more progress once that happens. Dib was trying to be as cautious as possible when trying to awaken his Zim because he was afraid to cause even more damage to his psyche. This time though he didn't care.

"You are Elite Irken Invader Zim!" Dib said, voice becoming louder.

"Processing data input . . . access denied." The voice being so emotionless and cold infuriated Dib with it's audacity to use Zim's mouth, a being who had once been so animated and vibrant, so beautiful. Zim's forehead creased more and the corners of his mouth pulled down into a grimace. Dib pushed his luck.

"Give me access! Give me permission to fix you! You are Elite Irken Invader Zim! State your name and rank!" Dib was yelling. He was frantic, desperate to make a breakthrough. Anything!

"Elite Irken Zim."

After Zim had disappeared Dib's life had changed. He fell into a depression for the first few months following Zim's departure. Though he eventually came out of it Dib had lost his vitality, his ambition. He remains to this day living off of his father's vast fortune, unemployed; a drifter. Without knowing it Dib had grown to rely on Zim. Zim was always there, scheming, plotting; giving Dib's life purpose. Zim saw Dib as his equal, as a serious threat to his mission. Not as some pathetic child trying to get attention, or crazy the way everyone else did. When Dib made a threat, Zim listened. Zim acknowledged him, listened to him, made him feel needed – that's all he ever wanted from his family but never received. Losing him had been a terrible blow.

"State your rank!"

"No rank possible."

"STATE YOUR FUCKING RANK!" Zim's head began to thrash back and forth, eyes scrunched up tight.

"No rank possible." The smooth PAK voice cracked.

"Invader! Invader! Elite Irken INVADER ZIM!"

"Processing data input . . . access denied." Zim's eyes turned from gray to glossy black.

About a month ago Dib was moving out of the Membrane house. He had nowhere to go but he just couldn't stay in that house any longer. His last night there was spent wrapped up in a blanket in an empty room. Not surprisingly Dib had found it very hard to sleep. Reminiscing on his childhood memories, most involving Zim in some way, Dib had heard his father walking around downstairs. Professor Membrane had always been more interested in his research and fame than his family but his obsession had gotten even stronger in these last five years. He rarely spoke to, or even looked at, Dib or Gaz at all anymore. He had no more concept of private and professional life and keeping them separate – he would speak into his voice recorder about this or that experiment whenever a thought occurred to him no matter what he was in the middle of, even conversations with his children.

Membrane had been very short-tempered that night and Dib assumed he was upset that his only son was moving out. Dib felt sorry for this but it also made him happy – despite it all his father did care about him. Professor Membrane was talking into his voice-recorder as he wandered around downstairs looking through his heavily-annotated medical texts. Dib wasn't really listening until he heard something that made his blood run cold, "All of our attempts to re-fuse specimen's biological aspect to his mechanical aspect have failed. Specimen is now considered 'incurable insane.' Course of action: termination." Dib suddenly realized why Membrane was so angry - nothing got to him more than a failed experiment.

"You're an Irken Invader! You live for the Irken Empire, you are fiercely loyal to your shit-head Tallests! You are narcissistic and arrogant! You are Invader Zim! Say it! Say it! Please!" Dib was shaking Zim by his shoulders, all but shouting in his face. Zim reacted violently like he always did when cornered; feral and dangerous. Dib felt the skin on his arms flay open exposing the muscle as Zim's teeth slashed through his skin. At first he didn't care, he wanted to keep pushing – force Zim to show himself but he knew that would never work. The more he pushed this creature the more violent it got. Dib forced himself to back away and regarded the Irken bound in front of him. Blue blood was pouring out of Zim's mouth along with intimidating growls and his actions were spastic, wild.

"I need you," Dib uttered pathetically. His voice was too quiet for any human ears to pick up but Zim's sensitive lekku had no problem 'hearing' them. Zim's eyes returned to their former ruby red. For the first time in the month Dib had been caring for Zim he saw recognition in those eyes. His heart soared, it had worked? He couldn't believe it. He felt so many intense emotions within him, overwhelming him. He had not been prepared for that to work; in fact he was beginning to think that his Zim was gone forever. In that moment all Dib could manage to do was gracelessly utter:

"Zim?"

A loud click sounded from Zim's PAK and instantly Zim's eyes went flat and gray. His head dropped down limply to his chest. Gone.


	2. Chapter 2

The darkness is the worst. Irkens don't sleep but the humans studying him didn't seem to care about that. Strange how humans think everything should be like them, at least everything "normal" should be - he abhorred their egotism the most. So the windowless room was on a cycle of brightness and darkness, 12 hours and 12 hours. Was it still that regular? How much time had passed since he found himself here, disoriented and confused? He didn't know anymore, he stopped accessing his PAK for information like that long ago. He just knew that the darkness is the worst.

Zim's ocular implants allowed him to see infrared, however with nothing in the room giving off enough heat to be seen clearly he lost sense of time and reality. He spent many hours staring blankly into a world of dimly lit murky green warmed air.

The table that Zim was strapped to all of the time had movable parts. Zim's memories of the time before were hazy. Sometimes it felt like he had always existed strapped to this metal table, naked. He was restrained at the lekku, forehead, neck, elbows, wrists, waist, knees and ankles – the Dib obviously was taking no chances of him escaping. The table could be moved to put Zim in any position desired and there was nothing Zim could do about it, he couldn't even yell anymore. His PAK had human programs in it now, some files no longer existed that once were and new files existed in their place – or maybe it had always been so. Zim began to wonder if he really is human as his PAK sometimes says he is, nothing felt right anymore, but maybe it never did. Zim doesn't know what 'right' is.

He came almost every night cycle; the human with the pointy black hair, the Dib. The human did unspeakable things to Zim using that horribly versatile table. He could put Zim in any position desired, even pull the arm-bar forward and force him to his hands and knees. There was nothing Zim could do about it, he couldn't even yell anymore. His PAK was human, his body was Irken – could such a creature exist? Did Zim exist or was he 'Specimen' now? Specimen had always been.

Zim began to black out for long periods of time. How long? What did he do during those periods? He decided those periods were better than being aware of real and the periods lengthened. Soon it seemed as if Zim never was at all. The darkness is now Zim, and that is the worst.


	3. Chapter 3

Dib:

Dib was glad to be back home. He had spent the last few hours in the hospital getting his wounds treated. It was not the first time he had rushed to the emergency ward with such wounds, and they had questioned him mercilessly. They thought he was hurting himself and were threatening to force him to spend a few days in the mental ward, under 'observation'. Dib was getting tired of having to go further and further away each time since he wouldn't go to the same hospital twice, even though his many scars betrayed this precaution. Now he had to drive two towns over, by the time he had gotten there his wounds had scabbed over and dried and they had to debride them before suturing them – it had been agony.

Dib walked into the eerily quiet house, Zim's former base. He had been living with the alien there for a month; ever since he had broken him out of that laboratory cell he had been imprisoned in for the last five years. What Zim had now become broke Dib's heart and strengthened the hate he felt for his 'father' for daring to tamper with HIS alien. The alien he had finally admitted to himself five years ago that he had fallen in love with. Back then he had come to terms with having lost that love forever, but now his emotions had been thrown back into turmoil.

While Dib slowly made his way through the house, searching for Zim, he thought about that last day before Zim had disappeared. They had set to rest their stupid feud that had gone on three years too long. They had smiled at each other, waved even; "good-bye, see you tomorrow." Zim had smiled at him. Dib had thought that after they got to know each other better as friends maybe they could become something more. Dib planned to go about it slowly, making sure Zim understood each step and was comfortable with it. Dib decided that if Zim wasn't comfortable with a lover's relationship then a friendship would be good enough; he just knew that he wanted to be near Zim, always. That had been the happiest day of his life and he was only expecting it to get better, but then Zim was gone.

He found Zim, but Zim is still beyond his reach. Happiness is always beyond his reach.

'Human':

He was in the bathroom. He was staring at the towel that had once been yellow, now blue. Wet and blue. The towel was in the sink and it was wet but blue, not red. That was all that was in Human's head – circling. It's blue, not red. That's all there was in the world – that blue towel that was supposed to be red, balled up and mocking him in the sink.

There was a knock on the door. Human gave no indication he heard it, but he did and he hated that he did. Somehow he could smell Other with his head. He looked in the blue-smeared mirror; no nose. How can he smell with no nose? Do human heads smell? His did. It also breathed, moved, detected air currents. He felt like his legs were coming out of the back of his neck, but they didn't help him balance or walk any faster. Where would he go anyway in such a small bathroom? His thoughts never made any sense, even Human could understand that much.

Human blinked and he was on his bed, hands wrapped tightly in clean gauze. He looked around, confused how he was in the bedroom, hadn't he been in the shower? No, in the bathroom but in front of the sink. Yes, that's right. The bathroom with that red towel bunched up in the sink. Human smiled, the towel had been red this time. He closed his eyes again.

Zim:

Blood was splattered everywhere, red blood. There was something soft and warm in his mouth, he heard screaming.

"Spit it out!" A familiar voice screamed at him. Zim did as he was told and Dib grabbed his hand, running as fast as he could. Zim got a brief look at what the thing he had spat out was and it disgusted him – that had been in his mouth? Does that mean he bit it off someone? It was a human part, pink and shriveled, covered in red human blood. He had bit if off of the Dib, but no that can't be right – Dib was now almost dragging him out of the laboratory, perfectly intact. He hadn't seen outside in so long, the light hurt his eyes.

In his confusion and panic Zim tried to deploy his spider legs so he could get away faster. Three of his four legs along with all four grapplers burst out of his PAK, two of the spider legs sparked and sputtered uselessly as if they were trying, but not succeeding, to charge the laser tips. That wasn't what he meant to do, something was wrong. He couldn't move them, they trailed along behind the running pair. Instead of facilitating his get-away they hindered it.

"Put them away, you can't control them now! We'll fix it on the Massive!" Tallest Purple screamed at him, dragging him forward by the hand as he ran. They had come for him! He saw his Voot a mere few paces away, overcome with joy. He couldn't retract his PAK appendages. Tallest Purple doesn't run, he floats.

Zim woke up with a start. He was gasping, having trouble breathing. Disorientation, fear, what's real? Dib was suddenly there, wiping his head with a cool cloth. Zim was confused, was that a dream? Is this the dream? Everything felt real. Everything felt unreal. Why are his hands bandaged? What was happening? Zim focused on Dib and his gentle, soothing words. He grabbed at him clumsily, pulling him into a tight embrace. Dib stiffened for a moment, then eagerly hugged Zim back. The room was dark, Zim was in his bed. Dib is his enemy but he was rubbing Zim's head so gently, Zim began to calm down despite the inconsistency.

Zim mentally asked his PAK the date and time, the PAK didn't respond. He felt it working, maintaining all of his vital functions and recording data. Nothing felt wrong, so why wasn't it answering him? He suddenly heard it click and it prompted him for a code. A clicking PAK is a bad thing, it signifies that it's defective. PAKs are always supposed to be silent, stealthy. And since when did his PAK require a code to comply with Zim's orders? Zim felt fluttery panic begin to grow within him. The darkness this time was welcome – confusion and panic no longer were. There was no towel.


	4. Chapter 4

theheartstourniquet: I get that statement a lot with this fanfic (that it's confusing). It is supposed to be; the concept being I wrote this from my own personal experiences during a very hard time in my life – trying to adjust to a devastating mental diagnosis and the following 'medication roulette,' if you will, that inevitably followed from the perspective of someone living it. All of these strange episodes Zim has (plunging needles in the veins in his hands, deliberately bleeding out into the sink, overdosing on sedatives etc…) are things that I have done, and these descriptions are not dramatized (and definitely NOT romanticized; I do not advocate the mis-use of drugs in any shape or form – I could have died). I must admit it's fascinating to me to read it again after so many years and remember those times, seems so far away now that I am much better ^^

Dib signed heavily after he finished tying Zim up to his usual chair for the night. He felt like he was just stumbling around, lying to himself that he could help Zim recover. Sometimes he's in the right place at the right time and would see something encouraging. Sometimes he isn't in the right place at the right time. When he had come home that afternoon Zim hadn't been where Dib left him. This had happened twice before and now it terrified Dib; the ropes were cut through but Dib didn't know how Zim had done it.

Just like the other times when Dib came home to an empty chair his mind began racing, thinking up several possible scenarios all at once. He tried to keep himself calm as he searched through the house but it was hard. Zim is entirely unpredictable and a danger to himself so losing track of him was never a good thing.

Dib didn't bother yelling Zim's name, he wouldn't reply. He realized the bathroom door was shut and took a second to brace himself.

"Please don't be dead." Dib thought bleakly and knocked on the door. Dib suddenly found the fact that he was knocking on the door absurd. What's with trying to be polite when the one person he cared about most in the world could be dead or dying behind that door? Dib twisted the knob, it wasn't locked.

Zim was standing in front of the sink, unmoving. The first things Dib noticed was that there was blue blood all over the mirror and sink as well as splattered all over Zim. There was a towel bunched up in the sink that was soaked in it. Both of Zim's hands were slashed across the backs and he was watching the blood flow from his veins. His two upper PAK legs were slightly extended, limply draped over his shoulders. Well that explains how Zim was able to cut himself free – obviously he had re-established some sort of control over the sharp accessories. Dib would normally have been encouraged by this but for now the progress was entirely eclipsed by his shock of the scene before him. Zim turned and stared at Dib with vacant eyes. Lavender eyes.

"There was too much." Zim said quietly, eyes fixed on Dib's. His gaze wasn't aggressive but it was uncomfortably intense. He was just a little too still, eyes just a little too wide. Dib didn't want to see what he saw in those eyes.

"Zim, give me your hands. You're bleeding." Dib snatched for Zim's hands, expecting Zim to pull away but he didn't. Dib grabbed the other yellow towel that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door and wrapped Zim's hands in it, applying pressure. Dib didn't want to look up at Zim's eyes again; he knew they were still on him in that eerie stare.

"It felt like it was black, there was too much and it was black and I had to get it out. I knew it wasn't black though, it's red. Human blood is red. But what came out was blue. I don't know why it came out blue."

Dib knew better than to try and convince Zim he wasn't human again. The last two times he had encountered this strange, lavender-eyed ego he had tried to reason with him. Both of those times Zim had become upset and then his eyes had turned glossy black. Dib had had to taze Zim when he had suddenly and viciously attacked. Dib kept a tazer in his pocket with him at all times and it had saved his life more than once.

A pink tear began to roll down Zim's cheek.

"Irkens don't cry," he whispered, then promptly passed out in Dib's arms.

Two hours later Dib had cleaned up all of the blood and changed Zim's clothes. He had also wrapped Zim's hands up in gauze. Zim healed incredibly fast so he knew by tomorrow the wounds would be gone. Dib had asked the house computer if Zim needed a blood transfusion, it replied he would be fine in the morning. Dib laid Zim in bed next to him, covering them both with his warm comforter, and felt slightly comforted. Dib had finally admitted something to himself that night; he had noticed a pattern that Zim showed with his outbursts, and the change in eye-color that consistently presented with them. He had already begun suspecting that Zim had developed several personalities due to the severe psychological and physical trauma he had endured in his father's lab but was hoping against hope he was wrong. Knowing what was going on made Dib feel better in that he could research the disorder and hopefully find some useful information, but he knew it was going to be a tough battle, maybe an un-winnable one. He decided right then and there that he would spend his entire life trying to put Zim back together. He would never give up.

Just as Dib was drifting off to sleep Zim jerked violently awake and began hyperventilating, he was having a panic attack. Dib grabbed the cloth he had used earlier to rub healing gel on Zim's hands. He wiped Zim's clammy head with it, trying to soothe Zim by shushing him and cooing quietly. Dib felt Zim's claws scramble against his chest then clumsily encircle him. Zim was hugging him, or more accurately clinging desperately to him. Dib helplessly hugged him back. Zim's breathing slowed and his dissolved into mewling sounds, almost like a baby makes. Dib vaguely wondered what color Zim's eyes were, he couldn't see them in the dark.

Dib heard Zim's PAK click.

"No!" he cried but he was too late. Zim went lax in his grip, non-responsive again.


	5. Chapter 5

Dib looked over the list he had created. It is information he has gathered on the five personalities that Zim primarily displays. There are other, lesser personalities sometimes but Dib didn't focus on any that hadn't manifested at least three times a week for the past few months. Zim was currently non-responsive again, tied up to a chair in the corner of the lab, eyes gray and vacant.

1.  
Eyes: black.  
Characteristics: very violent. Primitive Irken; does not appear to understand language, only sees anything around it as a threat. Will go to any lengths to protect itself.  
Name: It.  
Special notes: never approach It without a weapon, tazers work well.

2.  
Eyes: gray.  
Characteristics: non-responsive, communication through the PAK only.  
Name: PAK.  
Special notes: sometimes PAK thinks it is human but most of the time PAK is Irken.

3.  
Eyes: lavender.  
Characteristics: believes the part of PAK that says he is human. Seems to be the opposite of It, instead of going to lengths to protect itself this one seems to only do harm to itself, I think it is trying to prove to itself that it is human.  
Name: Human.  
Special notes: Human is highly unstable and easily reverts into It, approach with caution.

4.  
Eyes: deep red  
Characteristics: believes the part of PAK that says he is Irken.  
Name: Zim.  
Special notes: this is the Zim from five years ago but also not quite Zim. Any attempt to tell this Zim anything from the past five years will result in immediate reversion into It.

5.  
Eyes: dull red.  
Characteristics: the part of Zim that is trapped in the lab. The only personality that understands its own origin and that it shouldn't exist.  
Name: Specimen.  
Special notes: could be the key to Zim's recovery.

Dib turned his attention to the alien tied up in the corner.

"State your name and rank." He said blandly.

"Zim." He replied. Dib knew by that response that this is the PAK who thought it was human. Dib didn't get to speak to this personality much – it is very inconsistent and sketchy, however it never seems to revert back to It so Dib felt somewhat at ease with him.

"What is your earliest memory?" He asked it, writing thoughts down into a notebook as they came to him. Dib had started talking to these different personalities in an effort to learn as much information as he could about them, such as what their memories and triggers are. He hoped that by learning that he could deduce what exactly had caused each one to form, then with that information he could somehow figure a way to get them to disappear, or come together or . . . something. He didn't exactly have a plan yet but he was keeping himself optimistic – everything would work out. It had to.

Sometimes Dib wondered if speaking with these different personalities as if they were real people was useful or if he just needed someone to talk to.

"Information unknown."

Dib raised one eyebrow, "File corrupted?"

"Negative. No information exists."

"Hmm. Define 'Irken'."

" . . . "

"Are you Irken?" Dib looked up when he asked this. PAK was never silent, it always had some kind of response, it would at least say "information unknown" or something like that, never just nothing. This piqued Dib's curiosity.

"Query," Dib started. Zim's head slowly turned toward him, Dib found that very creepy.

"Human beings do not have PAKs. Why do you have one?" After a few moments PAK replied,

"My PAK is of human origin, I am human. Zim is human."

"Why does Zim have a PAK in the first place? I don't, am I not human?"

"Dib is human, Zim is human. Dib has a PAK."

"Well that's dumb reasoning, look at my back." Zim's head tilted slightly to the side and Dib leaned over to show Zim his back. Zim's forehead creased slightly.

"Conflicting data input, origin: faulty premise. Action: . . . "

"You talk pretty funny for a human. You sound more like a computer to me." Dib watched carefully after stating this. "Humans aren't integrated with computers . . ." Dib waited a beat then pushed forward, "Define 'cyborg'."

"A person who has certain physiological processes aided or controlled by mechanical or electronic devices," PAK replied immediately.

"And can Zim be separated from his mechanical devices? His PAK?"

"Processing . . . negative. Zim would perish within ten minutes of being separated from his PAK."

"Premise one," Dib began, "Dib is human. Dib does not have a PAK. Humans don't have PAKs."

Zim's face began scrunching up again, head moving subtly left and right: No.

"Premise two," Dib continued, "Irkens have PAKs. Zim has a PAK. Conclusion?"

". . . "

Dib had no idea if he should be doing this but it was something he hadn't tried yet . . . maybe the paradox could convince the PAK it was Irken in origin. Would that help? I'unno!

"Correct answer is 'Zim is Irken'." Dib said after a few moments, feeling impatient.

"Just because you have human programs inside you doesn't mean you are human. Do you agree that not all of your programs are of human origin?"

"Information unknown." The smooth PAK voice cracked.

"Don't give me that crap, I know that there are programs in you that you can't understand; the technology is far too advanced. Humans could never dream to create a PAK in the first place, it's AI. That's way beyond our ability!"

Nothing. Maybe the silence from PAK meant he was getting through! Then he heard that damned click. That hated click that only meant one thing . . .

"PAK overload. Action: reboot. Program shut down in 5 seconds. Four, three, two, one." Zim's head fell limply to his chest, eyes closed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fuck!" Dib threw off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed tightly. He was trying to not feel despair but it was hard, so many set-backs. Had he even made any progress at all? He began to feel self-pity and guilt that he was probably the only one who could help Zim and he just wasn't helping. Dib was failing his most important person at the time when he needed someone the most.

Dib didn't open his eyes when he heard a soft rustling sound indicating that Zim had raised his head. Without moving Dib said, "State your name and rank."

Moments passed with no response. Unusual, Dib looked up into red eyes. Zim's eyes were red!

"Zim! I . . . I . . ." Dib stuttered. He didn't know what to do, he didn't want to break the spell – he didn't want to lose Zim again. Not now.

"Just get it over with, ok?" Zim replied and looked at the floor.

"But . . . !"

"Just do it! Do what you came for, what you come for every night cycle. Do it or leave!" He noticed Zim was trembling in the chair. He couldn't help himself; Dib rushed to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. This isn't Zim.

"Specimen, it wasn't me remember? I didn't hurt you, it was Membrane." Specimen seemed to have a problem with mixing people up, his memories were convoluted. Specimen could not stand being tied up so Dib quickly untied the ropes.

"I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. You're safe with me." Specimen looked into Dib' eyes. He brought his hand up and began to gently stroke Dib's cheek. Zim's hands had some kind of soft fuzz on them and it tickled Dib's face, Specimen smiled crookedly.

"Safe," Specimen repeated. Dib nodded then pulled Zim's body close to himself again. He suddenly heard soft cries and remembered hearing that sound once before, like a baby mewling. Zim had made that sound the night Dib had come home and found Human in the bathroom, bleeding all over the sink. Such a forlorn sound. Dib kissed Specimen lightly on the head and Specimen looked up at him, directly in the eyes. Dib noticed that his face was darker green, with a flush of blue on his cheeks. The look in Specimen's eyes was insecure and needy. "You promise?" He asked softly, unsurely.

Dib instantly felt his body respond; his felt heat rising in his face and a stirring in his loins. He couldn't believe he was feeling this way with Zim in this condition. Specimen is fragile, he needed constant contact and reassurance that he was ok. Specimen thought of Dib as his savior and trusted him implicitly. Dib knew it would be wrong to take advantage of Zim's body, that Zim would hate him forever for it but God, he needed this so much.

Dib looked down into Specimen's dull red eyes and damned himself. "Yes." He said, then kissed Specimen deeply.


	6. Chapter 6

Dib was so nervous, like it was his first time all over again. Well, actually his first time wasn't all that special. In fact, he didn't even know the guy's name, it could have been anyone. There were only two people in Dib's world: Zim and not-Zim. His first time was with not-Zim, they were all the same.

But now he was with Zim. He pushed the fact that this wasn't really Zim out of his mind, tonight this was his Zim. Zim as he was before he had been taken away, before he had been hurt, before he had been broken. That Zim had once created an elaborate virtual-life for Dib just for the purposes of getting him back for throwing a muffin at him during lunch, had once hypnotized everyone in school with a big pimple, had once built a water balloon so big it had flooded half of the state for weeks. All of those things, and many others, he had done just for Dib. That was the Zim Dib fell in love with but this Zim is here now, so warm and temptingly responsive. Dib's blood was on fire.

He wanted to take his time, be gentle and loving as he knew Zim had never been treated before. He wanted to touch everything, feel all of Zim and commit it to memory, as if by not feeling him Zim would disappear again. Dib had never felt so aroused, senses in overdrive. He must look like some beast coming into rut. Dib wanted to feel Zim, smell him, taste him, possess him. He wanted all of him; heart, body, soul, everything to belong to him. Forever.

Dib had been kneeling while Zim was sitting in the chair when he was comforting him but now he clumsily fell back to a sitting position on the floor pulling Zim down with him, then spread Zim's legs and gathered him into his lap. While Dib quickly tore off Zim's shirt and threw it to the side Zim crossed his ankles behind Dib's back. Dib's hands were immediately at Zim's face and he snaked them around to the back of his head. Dib pulled Zim's lekku down, forcing Zim's head back and exposing his neck. Zim gave a startled gasp but didn't object. Dib began licking at Zim's throat, reveling in the heat his water-based saliva caused when it reacted with the green skin. Dib stroked Zim's lekku a few times and began to lose himself to the vibrations of Zim's trachea against his tongue and lips as Zim moaned and Zim's movements as he began grinded his hips instinctively against Dib's thighs. He ran his hands up and down Zim's back, careful to avoid touching his PAK. Dib's lips trailed down Zim's chest and Zim leaned back, resting his upper body weight on his arms, propped by his hands on the floor behind him. Dib began pushing forward, pulling himself onto his hands and knees, forcing Zim to lay on his back underneath him. Zim's showed alarm for a moment but Dib didn't notice it, he brought his hands down lower on Zim's slim, flat belly.

Even at a moment such as this Dib was still fascinated, vaguely, by Zim's alien anatomy. Zim has no bones like humans but his body felt firm, as if there was a hard layer under his skin like an insect's exoskeleton. His skin was smooth, no nipples or navel or any imperfection, except for his hands and lekku which were covered in soft fuzz.

When Dib's hand dipped into Zim's pants a little too soon Zim gasped and pulled out from under him, sitting up quickly. Dib immediately came out of his trance, startled. He looked into Zim's eyes and read in them that he wanted to please Dib but he was scared and ashamed to be so. This was entirely new territory for Zim and he didn't know exactly what he was supposed to do. Dib smiled kindly and then took his own shirt off. Zim watched him quietly. Dib gently brought Zim back into his lap and took Zim's hands into his, guiding them to his own chest. Zim was bemused at first but then his face broke out in a childlike smile when he felt how fast and hard Dib's heart was beating. Dib linked his hands around the small of Zim's back and leaned back slightly, allowing Zim to explore his human anatomy that was alien to the Irken.

Zim began rubbing his hands up and down Dib's chest, feeling the somewhat oily but warm human skin. He poked one of Dib's nipples and gave a mischievous little grin when he heard the encouraging grunt Dib made. He noticed some sparse hairs in the center of Dib's chest and plucked at them gently before bringing his head forward. Dib almost lost it when he saw Zim's seductively long tongue snake out and lick his nipple. Zim cocked his head slightly as if committing the taste and Dib's reaction (which was to breathe faster) to memory. He then put his hands on Dib's face, pushing his head back gently and put his thumbs over Dib's eyelids, closing them. Dib felt soft touches all over his face. He realized that Zim was exploring it with his lekku. He didn't know exactly what that gesture meant but it felt very intimate. Intense emotions washed over Dib at that moment and he felt incredibly bonded with Zim, did the lekku somehow do something to him to make him feel that?

Dib slowly brought his head back down and opened his eyes. Zim's expression was very serious then and Dib felt it was now ok to continue. He pushed Zim down again onto his back and crawled over him without breaking their intense eye-contact. He touched the waistband of Zim's pants and paused for a moment. Zim didn't back away this time so he pulled them off and tossed them to the side.

Dib sat back to take in his naked alien. He noticed that the skin around Zim's groin was a darker green than the rest of his body. It was also much harder – armored almost. There was a ridge between his legs and Dib assumed it was protecting his most sensitive organ inside of it. As he explored it with his fingers he noticed there were faint grooves along it that didn't seem to belong there; they had sloppy, rough edges almost as if someone had – OH SHIT.

"Zim, are these saw marks?" Zim said nothing, just took Dib's hand and guided his fingers to the tip of the sheath. He pressed one of Dib's fingers against it gently and it slipped inside. He flinched when it did but Dib could see it was in pleasure, not in pain. It was warm and moist inside and he could feel a nub of some sort.

"They never found it. They couldn't figure it out that force isn't the only way." Zim said in a sad voice.

Dib shushed him quietly as he rubbed his finger in a circle around the tip of the nub. It began to grow, pushing his finger out of the hard casing. He watched with eyes wide as the Irken penis revealed itself. It was the same color as Zim's purple tongue. Dib kept waiting for it to stop but it just kept growing. Once it stood fully erect Dib was a little taken aback by how long it is - it must be approaching a foot in length, though it was just about as wide as an average human penis - and it curved up in a proud arc. He briefly wondered how Irkens mated with each other, but then decided he didn't care. All he cared about was how Irkens can mate with humans.

Without any more hesitation Dib grasped the organ in his shaky hands. It was just as hard as he expected it to be, but not like Zim's body - more like how a human erection is, engorged. That made Dib feel some small relief as it was something he was familiar with. As he ran his fingers up the length a blue fluid seeped out of the tip of Zim's cock, oozing down the sides. Zim cried out Dib's name imploringly, it almost sounded like begging. Dib decided he liked the sound of that. He liked it very much.

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Dib started licking around the base of Specimen's phallus and then up the shaft. "You're so sweet, you could be made into candy." Dib said. Specimen found that comment, and the fact that Dib didn't even seem to notice he'd said anything, to be very cute but at the same time he was unsure of what Dib was doing. Irkens don't have oral sex, mating is for the purposes of reproduction only. It's not something that is supposed to be done for fun or sport or whatever humans seem to think of it as. In fact it is rarely done at all anymore now that Irkens have perfected cloning and create their young in smeeteries. However once Dib took as much as he could of the large cock into his mouth Specimen didn't care what mating was supposed to be for.

It was the most amazing sensation Specimen had ever felt and he loved that Dib was the one to introduce it to him. Unfortunately Specimen's first time had been with Professor Membrane, he had been terrified and it was painful. Membrane was sadistic and delighted in causing Specimen misery to show his power over the alien, his dominance. Membrane never allowed Specimen any respite or solace and he came almost every night to hurt him more and more.

This was Specimen's first time with a bonded mate, his first time with love; his first time with Dib. Dib was moving his mouth up and down on his cock, using his hand to pump the shaft at the base where his lips couldn't reach. His rhythm was slow at first but then his pace quickened. He was moving his tongue around in a way that made it hard for Specimen to think straight.

"Dib is beautiful," Specimen thought as he brought his hands up over his head. He felt his stomach muscles begin to tighten and arched his back. Specimen knew that he was born from Zim's psychological trauma; had been created to bear all of Zim's anguish and suffering. Suffering that came from the cruel hands of Humans. Dib is human but he is different from those scientists, he is special. He had rescued Specimen from that pit of despair with great risk to his own safety. Specimen silently thanked those scientists for infusing his PAK with human programming. Even though it caused such a great disruption to his host body it introduced human ideals into him for the first time. Zim could never love anyone like a human can, he could be loyal and protective but that's it. Irkens don't have emotions like humans do, they are ambition and aggression, violent and selfish – nothing else. Specimen doesn't know if what he feels for Dib is 'love' as humans feel it but he does know that Dib is precious to him, that he wanted to be with him, always. Dib is 'home,' his whole world. Dib's words from earlier echoed in Specimen's mind, "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. You're safe with me." Yes, Dib is special.

"Dib!" Specimen's whole body shuddered as he came for the first in his life.

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"Good boy," Dib said after Zim's body stopped spasming, proud that he had made Zim look so disheveled. Zim was breathing hard and his eyes were a little distant, his expression was astonished. Dib pulled off his jeans and tossed them away, then gently ran his fingers behind Zim's protective sheath, searching for an entrance. He found one and used some of his saliva to lubricate it, then some to lubricate his own throbbing cock. Dib briefly thought it was weird for Zim to have an anus at all, he never saw him eat anything besides pixie-sticks and soda and he never seems to use the bathroom. Dib pushed that thought out of his head and pulled Zim's legs up and draped them over his shoulders, then looked down at his most treasured person. He slowly pushed himself into Zim's tight opening.

Specimen's eyes began to clear out his euphoria but then clouded over in fear as soon as he realized what Dib was doing. "No! No, please!" he pleaded, voice barely audible. His breathing accelerating to a concerning rate. Dib immediately stopped and tried to stroke his face reassuringly.

"It's ok, just relax. I won't hurt you . . . I love you." He said tenderly but Specimen didn't hear him. He was too far gone in his panic that he didn't even know Dib was there anymore, his eyes saw only Professor Membrane leering evilly. Zim's eyes turned from faded red to glossy black.


	7. Chapter 7

It:

'It' was awake. It was enraged and disoriented at first, lashing out with its powerful fangs and claws before it comprehended the situation. It had been on its back, that creature looming over It trying to assert dominance - that is not how it's supposed to be. It leapt onto its feet and dove at the thing as it was trying to escape, making those strange noises it makes again. It wouldn't let it get away so easily, quickly positioning itself between the trembling creature and whatever it was it was trying to get to. It narrowed Its eyes and vibrated it's lekku in aggression, showing more of Its teeth in a threatening display, standing at full height with Its claws extended, snarling. It could smell the red blood pouring out of the creature's chest where Its claws had made contact and left a large slash, It could smell the creature's fear and that's how it was supposed to be.

It suddenly lunged at Its prey again. This thing was much slower and clumsy than an Irken, its reflexes sluggish and graceless. It tried to scramble out of the way but It lashed out with its claws again and flayed open it's prey's back, two deep gashes to the muscle. The prey fell to the ground, arching its back in anguish. The sounds it was making broadcasted that it was injured – a huge mistake when being pursued by a predator. It walked deliberately up to Its writhing prey, lekku vibrating and showing Its teeth again. It put its hand on the prey's sweaty head and quickly sliced through its scalp with one swipe. It was satisfied when it could see the white bone exposed.

It had caught the prey; it was cowering on the ground – paralyzed with fear. This was the moment It savored the most, the moment before the kill. It leaned over its prize and scented it with Its lekku, bathing in its fear. It opened its mouth wide and leaned in to sink Its fangs into the prey's throat when suddenly everything turned white. Intense pain filled Its body and It shook it's head violently. It heard the prey stumble away and turned to pursue even though it couldn't see. It narrowed its eyes in fury and tracked it with Its lekku, it was still again on the other side of the room. It all but flew at the prey, intending to rip it apart. Just as it reached its target everything went black. 'It' no longer was.

Dib:

"Holy shit!" Dib said between large gulps of air, his knees felt weak and he collapsed on the ground next to Zim in a puddle of his own blood. He had never been so afraid in his life. When Zim vibrated his lekku it made a rapid rattling sound and his growl was like a huge swarm of cicadas – like it was coming out of many throats instead of one and the combination was terrifying. Even though Zim was a good head shorter than Dib he was freakishly strong and so fast and light on his feet that when he attacked Dib could barely see him. It's a good thing It had decided to kill Dib with Its teeth rather than claws because by leaning in it gave Dib the opportunity to yank at its sensitive Lekku, leaving it momentarily blinded. That only fueled its rage and Dib said a silent prayer to himself as he ran for his life that he had remembered to put the tazer in his pants pocket, which were currently draped on the computer monitor. The tazer saved his life again – It had dropped like a sack of bricks at once and his eyes went gray.

"Hey, stupid computer! Why didn't you help me? I could have really used it," Dib complained.

"My bad," The computer replied sarcastically, "At least you didn't die naked with a hard-on."

Not knowing what to look at Dib gave the ceiling a dirty look.


	8. Chapter 8

PAK:

System clean-up activated. Scanning . . . file of unknown origin found. Unable to access, action: delete. Scanning . . . file of unknown origin found. Unable to access, action: delete . . .

System clean-up program complete, cycle time: 4 hours. Total number of files deleted: 107.

Human:

He stood in front of the shower, waiting for it to warm up. For some reason when he had first turned the handle a weird blue gel had come out of the showerhead. Human didn't like that, he wanted water. Humans bathe in water. He had pushed a button on the wall that had a cartoon of a droplet on it. The blue gel stopped and clear fluid came out in its place. That's better. Human then opened the package he had brought into the bathroom with him. He didn't remember where he had gotten it.

When steam began to fill the room Human felt his skin prickle a little bit, he ignored it and undressed. He put the needles he had unwrapped on the window sill that was within easy reach of the shower stall. Human opened the glass door and stepped into the stream.

Dib:

This time because of the extent of his injuries Dib was forced to go the closest hospital. He told them he had been mugged but didn't see the criminal's face. They didn't believe him, pointing out the newly healed skin on his fore-arms from his last encounter with It, Dib gave them no information about those. After treating his new wounds and a few days rest with an IV drip they sent him to the mental ward for 'observation.' Dib was seriously concerned about Zim, he had left him tied to a chair – non-responsive and locked into PAK mode. During his evaluation period Dib did nothing to indicate he was a danger to himself or others. They let him go after three days.

Dib drove home as fast as he could. He had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach about what he would find waiting for him there. Dib flew out of the car almost as soon as he pulled up onto the curb in front of the little green house. He dashed up the walkway and shakily put the key into the lock, missing several times in his haste. When the lock clicked he pushed on the door but it didn't open. He pushed harder and it gave a little bit but still wouldn't open; something was blocking it from the inside, something heavy.

"Computer, open this door!" Dib yelled through the crack he was able to create.

"Fine," it replied blandly. A grappler descended from the ceiling and wrenched the door open, pulling it out of its hinges with the force of it. Dib silently rolled his eyes as he stumbled in to see that it had been blocked by a refrigerator and a broken wooden bed-frame – neither of which looked familiar. He made his way into the living room, trying not to imagine Zim wandering around outside, going into people's houses picking up random objects and bringing them home.

"Okay, this is okay . . . those aren't bite marks on the doorframe at all and that muddy bicycle tire on the couch is . . . normal. That's red paint all over the walls and floor . . . "

"No it's nooooooot," the computer said unhelpfully. Dib's panic broke then and he frantically ran down the hallway, yelling for Zim.

"Computer, where is Zim?!" Dib screamed at one point. He tried not to talk to the computer too much because it really wasn't very helpful most of the time and its attitude just pissed him off.

"Uh . . . not here, huh?"

"Fuck, can't you ever just be useful!?" Dib skidded into the elevator that was hidden under the side table in the living room. "Make this elevator go down faster!"

"Ffff, 'go down', that's funny cuz you're gay."

"Oh my God, I hate you." Dib said automatically but it did feel like the elevator's descent sped up. Before the elevator door had even opened all the way three grapplers burst in and grabbed Dib by his neck and both arms, slamming him up against the wall behind him. His feet were dangling off of the ground and he kicked to try to find purchase on the wall. Zim walked into the elevator with a deranged smile on his face. His skin was blistered and blue, sizzling as if on fire. There were needles sticking out of the back of his hands which were covered in blue, clotted blood. Dib tried to say his name but couldn't manage any sound other than choking grunts, the grappler around his neck was dangerously tight.

"I own you," Zim said coldly. "How long should I hold you up like this? Do you want death by my hand? Do you want life by my hand? I control your fate."

Zim's eyes were a color Dib had never seen before but he barely noticed the strangely familiar dark brown as his vision began to fail. He couldn't breathe, his lungs were begging for air, legs kicking spasmodically as he felt unconsciousness approaching.

"If you want death I will give it to you, I am very generous. My face will be the last thing you ever see. Lucky you."

Dib squeezed his eyes shut and tried to shake his head back and forth: No. Suddenly the grapplers retracted into Zim's PAK and Dib fell to the floor, coughing and gasping for air. He was disoriented and he felt some of the stitches in his back give, opening up the wound again. Tacky red blood spread through his shirt.

Zim knelt down over Dib, his face only a few centimeters above Dib's. "Thank me," he hissed. Dib was beginning to catch his breath and he looked up into those maniacal eyes and saw something made it feel as if time stand was standing still for Dib for a few moments.

"Dad?" Dib breathed quietly.

Professor Membrane kicked Dib squarely in the ribs. "I didn't hear a 'thank you!" He grabbed Dib by the arms and tossed him into the lab, Dib skidded across the floor on his shoulder and came to a stop at the base of one of the banks of computer monitors.

"Thank you!" he screamed in desperation.

"'Thank you' for what?" Membrane said as he approached Dib, the hazy darkness in the lab made it hard for Dib to see him but he could hear him, hear him approaching but he didn't know where from. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare and hugged his arms to himself, is this how Membrane treated Zim for five years?

"Thank you for sparing my life?" Dib barely got the words out when Membrane smacked him across the face, Dib's head jerked to the side and he felt his cheek immediately begin to swell.

"NO! I _gave_ you your life, it is mine and I can take it or give it," He grabbed a fist-full of Dib's hair and began dragging him over to a metal table that was in the next room.

"Thank you for giving me life!" Dib shouted, trying to keep up with Membrane to take some pressure off of his scalp, he felt the stitches there burst too and blood ran down the sides of his face. Dib felt even more terrified than he had when he had faced It a few days before.

"That's right. I am your salvation, you Godless monster." He dropped Dib onto the metal table and merely stared at him, a crooked grin on his lips. Dib wiped at the blood that dripped into his eyes from the re-opened wounds on his head.

"Strap yourself down," Membrane said through Zim's mouth.

"Dad, it's me Dib. I'm not the alien," Membrane grabbed Dib by the shirt and pulled him up into his face.

"Don't you dare mention my son's name! It's your fault he's insane in the first place," Membrane said so forcefully that spit covered Dib's face. "Strap your fucking self down."

Dib noticed four metal cuffs at each corner of the table, he slipped his hand into one and it immediately tightened uncomfortably around his wrist. He looked imploringly up at Zim's face and saw no compassion, in fact he seemed to be enjoying Dib's humiliation. Dib lay back and slipped his other hand and both feet into the remaining cuffs, they tightened excruciatingly and he let out a pained grunt.

"Let's pick up where we left off last time," Membrane said as he pulled up a stool. He undid the buttons and zipper on Dib's jeans spread the fabric apart, exposing his private area.

"What are you going to do?" Dib said shakily. Membrane said nothing as he reached over to a small table that Dib hadn't noticed before. On it was a rusty hand-saw.

"No, NO! What are you doing?! Let me go!" Dib began struggling violently against his restraints. The skin under the cuffs ripping with the force of his pulling and he felt more blood slicken his wrists and ankles.

"Now I know there's a phallus in this casing, we all saw it on the MRI. How does it come out? You must need it to breed?" Membrane said out loud but he wasn't really talking to Dib, or Zim as he was seeing him, he was talking to himself. "But this armor is so thick . . . "

"Oh shit, Zim please stop! Zim!" Membrane slapped Dib in the face.

"Shut up, why isn't that docility program working?"

"What?" Dib said, but then Membrane suddenly flew back off of his stool. He hit the floor hard, a loud "oof" escaping his lips as the wind was knocked out of him. Dib didn't know what happened but he started struggling even harder while he had the chance. Membrane slowly got to his feet again and approached Dib on the table. Dib had his eyes squeezed shut and was bucking as hard as he could trying to get his arms and legs out of the restraints.

"Stop, stop – you're hurting yourself." Zim said and began unlatching the restraints. Dib scrambled off of the table as quickly as he could and began rubbing his wrists with his hands, they were nearly skinned. Zim reached for one of Dib's hands but he violently jerked them away. Zim stopped and let his arms drop to his sides. Dib looked up into red eyes, relief washed over him as he promptly passed out.


	9. Chapter 9

Specimen stood in the empty shower stall. He had no idea what time of day it was but knew better than to ask his PAK. Any time he tried to communicate with the device it would overload and crash. He traced his fingers lightly down the stall wall that was covered in dried blue blood.

"Why does Human keep doing this to himself?" Specimen wondered. He looked at the back of his hands – there were needles sticking into his veins, blood squirting out from the broken off ends like tiny gruesome hoses. He blinked and in a flash they were gone, the skin smooth and healed. He turned around in the bathroom, following the blue splatters on the floor out of the room.

"I should clean that up," Specimen thought noncommittally to himself.

Specimen had carried Dib up from the lower labs and put him back to the master bedroom, and here he still lie in bed. He had been sleeping for hours. Specimen had cleaned up his wounds as best he could and wrapped his head and upper body with gauze. Occasionally Dib would grimace and begin to toss. When he did this Specimen would put his lips to Dib's forehead and gently hum a random tune and he would quiet down again.

That had been horrible. Specimen could see through Zim's eyes at the appalling way Membrane was throwing Dib around but he could do nothing to stop it. The fear in Dib's voice shot right through Specimen's heart and it ached. Specimen had been treated cruelly like that almost every night those five years he was in the lab and he just couldn't bear the sight of it happening to his most cherished person. He struggled as much as he could against Membrane's strong hold but this personality was a program, Membrane's thoughts and instructions downloaded into Zim's PAK along with a program to absorb the data into the AI system, in essence creating a second Professor Membrane in Zim's own mind. This was the first time it had manifested and taken control of Zim's body. Zim can never escape him now.

Specimen felt weary, it had taken a lot of energy to take back control of Zim's body. He had never done that before, in fact he didn't even know he could, and he could feel Membrane sulking in the darkest corners of his mind. Specimen could no longer bear to feel that hostility so he closed Zim's eyes and mentally stepped back, allowing any personality who wished it the opportunity to come forward.

Zim's eyes opened, they were lavender.


	10. Chapter 10

Human looked down and watched Dib sleeping.

"Why don't I ever sleep?" He whispered to no one. Humans sleep, they need to. Human walked out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.

Thirty minutes later Human was laying on the dirty couch in the living room. He had just carelessly shoved the tire off of the cushions and collapsed onto them after swallowing an entire bottle of pills, with water. The water had burned his throat as it went down and he spent the next ten minutes crouching on the floor spitting up blood. Blue blood . . . no it wasn't.

Now he stared at the ceiling as faint jellyfish swum lazily across it. His eyes started trailing down the wall against his will, he frowned and summoned up his strength to bring his gaze back up to the jellyfish just to have his eyes drop down again. The wall seemed to be made of wriggling spaghetti, hmm alright. Do jellyfish eat spaghetti? Of course they do.

Other walked up to Human on the couch; Human was listlessly surprised having not heard any noise from his approach – not even with his head! The thought was very funny to Human but he felt too heavy to laugh. He closed his eyes.

"Zim?" Other said, his voice was lowwww and sloooooooowww, like "Zimmmmmm-aaaaaaaahhh?"

"Zim, what did you do? Let me see your eyes,"

"Mmmmm," was the only sound Human could seem to make, he lifted up his arm just to let it drop down again limply, trying to show Other how useless it now was. That was funny too. Jellyfish also eat arms. What?

"Wah wah waaaaaaaaaahhhwaaaaaahhhhh." The Hell is that?

Human then felt very uncomfortable, he scrunched up his face and squirmed a bit. A large convulsion wracked through his entire body. There, that felt better. Suddenly Human was sitting up with Other's arm around his shoulders. He opened his eyes as best he could, which was hardly at all, and saw that Other had the bottle in his hand that the pills had been in. It is empty now, that's funny. Jellyfish ate the pills. No, that's not right.

"Fffff," Human laughed, well more like snorted.

In the next instant Other's hands were at Human's face, tilting his head back and pulling on his eyelids.

"Hey, stop it, you think you're a fireman?" he thought but his voice could only mumble almost imperceptibly, not form words.

He was on his feet, in the kitchen. The Hell? Wasn't he just in the back yard? What?

Human blinked and he was laying on a bed, staring up at a suspended ninja on the ceiling. Its looked very menacing, waving katana in both hands like it was.

"Hey ninja on the ceiling? Just spinning around? That's not scary at all, come on dude. That all you got? That all you got you piece of shit, come down here and scare me like a real monster should. Ffff, pussy." Human tried to say these words out loud but he couldn't, so he just thought them very loudly – of course it could read Human's mind it was just ignoring him. No matter what Human thought at the ninja it ignored him. He turned his eyes to the side, toward the window – apparently it is night. He could see a light outside, the light was a marching band member – the kind that played the drum strapped to his chest. It began to rise straight up in the air. Wow, how is it doing that? How is it so bright and golden? Human blinked and it was back on the ground again, but it began its ascent again, over and over. That's way better than jellyfish, that's fucking fantastic.

Human blinked again and he was under the bed. He felt very sneaky and proud of himself for being there but he didn't know why. Then he saw Other's feet anxiously running around the room, shouting.

"Shhh, I'm hiding," Human said stealthily and Other dropped to his hands and knees, his big, fat head peeked in at him. "D'oh!" Human yelled and wiggled further back, humming the Mission Impossible song. Another large convulsion wracked through his body, that's better.

Is that a piece of poop?

Dib:

"This is too much for me, it's only getting worse. I don't know how to handle him anymore. I can't get any sleep and the injuries every week . . ." Dib felt like he was close to cracking up. Zim was becoming more and more unstable and dangerous to himself and to Dib. Now Human is drugged out on anti-histamines and hypnotic-sedatives but instead of sleeping it off he's stumbling around the house getting into things. Dib can't take the alien to a human hospital and he knew the stupid computer would only make things worse. The human drugs were causing a strange reaction in the alien, that combination probably would have knocked a human out for days. Dib didn't even know where these drugs came from – some were prescription! He just saw the empty bottles lying on the floor.

Dib had asked the computer if Zim was going to overdose and die – the seizures he kept having were very concerning. The computer had said he would be fine after the drugs cleared out of his system as long as he doesn't take anymore.

"No kidding?!" Dib had said sarcastically. The computer didn't get it.

Dib was currently trying to get Zim out of the closet; Zim said he was 'stuck' in there – believing the hanging clothes to be people trying to grab him. Instead of being scared though Zim seemed to be having a blast, staring at the ceiling fan (apparently he believed it was a ninja) and smiling like an idiot with large, bright eyes. Bright lavender eyes. Stupid lavender eyes!

"I hate lavender!" Dib yelled.

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A few hours later Dib collapsed onto his bed, exhausted. Zim was tied up to his chair, eyes gray again. As much as Dib hated Zim to be like that he needed rest so he bitterly welcomed it this time. He was asleep in seconds. He didn't hear Zim's PAK making a quiet clicking sound, over and over in a regular pattern.


	11. Chapter 11

Dib felt much better after taking some time to rest. Zim had stayed in PAK mode the entire time. It worried Dib but at the same time he really needed the break so he didn't attempt to snap Zim out of it.

"State your name and rank," Dib said to Zim for the first time in days, maybe weeks. He was eager to get more information written down in his notebook. Zim said nothing.

"State your name and rank, please?" Dib tried next, still no response. Dib swiveled in his computer chair to curiously look at Zim's empty face. He was tied up to a chair again, eyes gray - PAK should answer. Something seemed off.

"Computer, why isn't he answering?" Dib was worried.

"I'unno, he's broken or something. His PAK's a lot emptier now than it was before." Dib flinched at that.

"What?!" He demanded.

"His PAK randomly erases Irken programming during a purging cycle. It's a corrupted human program that runs every night for 4 hours," The computer answered dully.

"WHAT?! Why didn't you tell me this earlier!" Dib was horror-struck at this information. Deleting Irken programming?

"Could you have stopped it?" the computer questioned, somewhat meanly. Dib didn't answer, he just looked back at his lover feeling more powerless than ever.

"How much information has been lost?" Dib asked as he stroked Zim's cold cheek.

"Approximately 70% of Irken programs have been permanently erased," the computer stated.

"State your name and rank, Zim. Please" Dib whispered. Zim said nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib lay on his bed, hands laced behind his head. Zim was still in PAK mode, for the past hour Dib had tried several times to get him to speak. He had even tried to hook his new laptop up to Zim's PAK to see if he could access any files and just like when he had tried that before his Laptop crashed and would no longer start. Zim's PAK was like a virus now and infected any computer that was linked to it, that's why he didn't want to link it up to the house computer to fix his damaged PAK, afraid if it crashed that he would be left with no base or Irken technology at all, and no Zim at all.

Dib thought back to the night he had learned that Professor Membrane had kidnapped Zim and imprisoned him in his lab, the night he was moving out of his childhood house. It felt like so long ago now. After he had gotten over his initial shock he had bolted out of the house and ran to the cul-de-sac where Zim's base had once stood. It was raining and when he reached the empty lot he was soaked to the skin. He didn't know why he felt the need to run there but the feeling was strong and he went with it. He had learned to follow his instincts when he was a striving paranormal investigator and he plunged into the cold mud, digging his hands through it. He spent what felt like hours searching through the grime until he found something hard next to one of the buildings next to the lot. He pulled it out and saw that it looked like a thermos. An Irken thermos. He pushed the top and a bullet-shaped device popped out. Dib knew what both of these things were instantly.

Dib rolled over in bed and looked at his unwell lover.

"I have a few more ideas left Zim but I am afraid of what will happen when I try them. I had hoped the other things I thought of would have worked. If I kill you . . . or myself . . ." Dib stopped, he didn't know how to complete that sentence so he let it hang in the air unfinished. Losing Zim the first time had been hard enough, if it happened again Dib would rather be dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The deepest lab in Zim's house was rarely visited. It was very cold and dark, empty except for one laptop that was left on always. A human laptop.

Dib approached the laptop and the small robot that was hooked up to it via a cable. The robot didn't stir, its eyes dark. It appeared to be turned off but Dib knew better, its consciousness was perpetually surfing the internet. It had been a compromise.

When Dib had found Gir and Zim's base he felt the enormity of the situation wash over him. He knew the bullet-like device would drill down into the soil and a house would spring up from it. He didn't want to activate it and draw attention to himself but there was a good chance the Voot cruiser was still in it. That would be very useful in breaking Zim out of the lab.

He didn't know enough about Irken technology to get the Voot out without activating the base-creating mechanism so he activated Gir instead, hoping the little android would be able to do it. When he pushed Gir's antenna down his eyes sputtered but he didn't wake up. Dib shook his shoulder a little, "Gir?" he asked it. He leaned down to see if there was any mechanical damage or anything and Gir burst up and latched onto his head, eyes bright turquoise. Dib stumbled back in alarm.

"HI MARY! I missed you!"

"Gir, please get off –"

"I fooled you, I'm not broked! Your face looked so funny." Gir crawled around in a circle on Dib's head like a cat then curled up on it.

"Yes Gir, you fooled me. Please get off my head."

Gir actually jumped right off of Dib's head and landed on his bottom in front of Dib in the mud. He giggled a little and stuck out his tongue, "Ouch," he said stupidly.

"Gir, can you please - "

"Yes!"

"Wait, I didn't finish – "

"Yes!"

"Gir!"

"YES!"

"Shut up, oh my God! How did Zim put up with you?"

"I DUNNO!" Dib face-palmed despite himself.

"Ok, Gir, I need you to help me. This is very important. Listen very, very, very, very, very carefully ok?"

"What?"


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't know if you can hear me Zim, but I just want you to know that I love you and I'll try everything in my power to fix you, until I die if I have to. I wish I had rescued you sooner, well I wish none of this had happened in the first place. We were just becoming friends and . . . I'm babbling. Ok, here we go. Ready Gir?"

"Yes!" Gir was sitting on the floor of the lab, munching happily through a pile of tacos. Dib had to bribe the android to keep it still long enough to hook it up to Zim's PAK. Dib clapped his hands together and took a deep breath. He clicked the last cable into Gir's back and stood back.

Both Zim's and Gir's heads snapped up in the same instant. Gir stopped eating the tacos.

"Establishing connection," Zim said. Dib felt some hope at hearing Zim's voice again, it had been too long.

"Connection established." Gir said, his voice serious. "Awaiting command . . . "

"Download Zim's consciousness into Gir," Dib said these words quickly before he could wimp out. He felt guilty that he is deliberately putting Gir at risk and scared stiff to think that he could lose Zim's consciousness forever if this didn't work. He was hoping that since Gir was Irken technology he wouldn't be broken by this process like his laptops were, and if he was broken, well . . . sacrifices Dib was willing to make.

A few minutes went by before the PAK announced: "Transfer complete. Awaiting command . . . "

"Ok, computer!"

"Whaaaaaaat?"

"Re-build Zim's PAK and install all default Irken PAK programs."

"Okaaaaaaay, jeez," Several cables snaked down from the ceiling and attached into the PAK. Dib faintly wondered how many ports that thing has. Zim's body jerked and his eyes went white. Dib held his breath, waiting for the house computer to crash. It didn't. He let the breath out noisily.

"Processing . . . " Zim's mouth said. Dib looked over and felt some encouragement when he saw that Gir was eating tacos again.

"PAK re-build complete. Functioning at 100%."

"Computer, disconnect from Zim." It did so with no snarky comment for once. Dib took another deep breath, "This is it. Gir!"

"Yes, sir?" Gir stood and saluted, his voice sounded like a mixture of his own voice and Zim's and his eyes were glowing purple.

"Return Zim's consciousness to his body."

"Processing . . ." Gir said.

"Transfer complete." Zim said in his own voice.


	13. Chapter 13

"Zim?" Dib said uncertainly, "Is that you?"

Zim was looking around curiously. His eyes were red and he looked just like he had that day before he was taken away. Dib couldn't help the smile that spread on his face and he rushed to Zim, enveloping him in a jubilant hug.

"Get your hands off of me, filthy human!" Zim said. Dib had never been so thrilled to be insulted by that arrogant voice.

"Oh my God, Zim. I can't believe it worked. You're all better? How do you feel? What do you remember?"

"Human, stop bombarding Zim with questions. I ask the questions. Eh, computer what's going on?"

"Well . . . "

"I don't care, get this thing out of here." Zim gestured at Dib as if he was nothing more than trash and Dib's elation fell a little bit. He had enough time to glance at Gir and see that his eyes were dark – broken, maybe forever - when several grapplers snaked down from the ceiling. They grabbed him and tossed him in the elevator.

"Zim wait, don't tell me you don't remember the past few months?! We've been living together, I promised to fix –"

"Shut up, Zim remembers nothing. Wait, I mean . . . your head is stupid. Be gone with you."

"I have nowhere to go!" Dib was shot up out of the base.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Stupid human," Zim thought as he walked through his messy base. There was blood and dirt and filth everywhere, what had that stupid Dib-pig done to his beautiful home? How did he even get in and . . . what had he been doing before he woke up in that lab? Zim's blood pressure began to rise as he tried to remember and he quickly stopped himself from continuing that train of thought. He didn't know why he felt like he was going to hyperventilate and was a little fearful of that reaction but oh well, the base needs attention.

"All right computer, you clean the base and I'll fix Gir. Take me down to the main lab."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," The computer complained.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib landed hard on the front lawn. It hurt but Zim's actions hurt more. Does he really not remember anything? Didn't the process fix him? Didn't Gir lose his little spark of life to put everything back to normal? If his PAK is working now it must mean those personalities that had been causing the separation are finally gone, he should be able to access data from the last five years. Is there something still blocking his access?

When Gir had extracted the Voot from the house-making mechanism Dib had quickly flown to a different state and re-created the base in a new neighborhood. He was far from his home-town so could not go back to his father's, but he couldn't do that anyway. He looked one last time forlornly at the base and began walking away – he had nothing but the clothes on his back and a credit card. If he used the credit card his father would find him. He would definitely kill Zim now, after what Zim had done to him that last night.

Dib followed the street in search of a park or empty field or something he could spend the night in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim angrily went through Gir's circuits one by one – none were fried. He checked all of his programs and they were working perfectly, well perfectly by Gir's standards. Gir should be operational but wasn't, why? He was getting more and more frustrated so Zim decided to take a break, Gir's a stupid robot anyway so Zim wasn't in too much of a rush to get him functional right now.

Zim walked to the elevator and a vision flashed in his mind – Dib being strangled in the elevator by a grappler. Legs kicking, face becoming red. The scene disappeared as quickly as it came. Zim looked at the walls of the elevator and saw some scuff marks on the lower part, where Dib's feet had been scrambling for purchase.

Zim turned his back to it and rode up to top level. As he walked out of the elevator he instructed the computer to clean it up. The upper level was still a mess but it was much improved. The computer as still vacuuming in the living room but the kitchen was actually pretty tidy. Zim went to the refrigerator to get a soda and an image of him popping open a bottle of human drugs and downing them flashed through his brain again. It was gone in an instant – did that happen or was it a dream? Irkens don't sleep . . .

"Uh, computer, run diagnostic scan on me," Zim ordered.

"Jeez, I have to do everything around here . . . diagnostic complete," the computer went back to its cleanings.

"Well?!"

"You're fine. Quit whining," it actually started to whistle when it went back to its cleaning.

"Ok," Zim said. He hugged his arms to himself a little though.

After two hours of flash-backs of confusion, water burns, needles, blood, saws – Zim grasped his head with both hands, shutting his eyes – shutting out the world.

"What did Dib do to me?" He said out loud to no one. "Where is the faulty program so I can destroy it?"

"All of your programs are functioning at 100% capacity," the computer offered absents, still working on the red blood spots on the walls. "What did Dib do there?" Zim wondered to himself.

By the time night fell Zim had been having disturbing flashbacks for hours. For the first time in his life he felt . . . scared, that made him angry. He started knocking things over randomly as he passed them on his way to the bathroom – the kitchen table, two chairs, grandfather clock (where did that come from?), the nightstand in the master bedroom.

Zim looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He was a little pale and clammy, eyes showing his confusion. He blinked and he was covered in scorch marks – sizzling and oozing blue blood. The backs of his hands felt like they were burning. The face in the mirror was grinning insanely back at him. The image stopped as suddenly as it had appeared and Zim put his hands to his head again, shaking it softly. "Where is the faulty program?" He said so quietly that not even the computer heard it.

Zim no longer was.


	14. Chapter 14

Dib was sulking. He had been tossing back and forth trying to get comfortable for hours to no avail. He had stumbled upon an elementary school that had large playground equipment made of plastic on cushioned flooring. The inside of the slide was actually a pretty good size and it gave him some shelter – it was walled up except for two tiny exits that he had to crawl through on either side.

Dib was trying not to think about Gir . . . and Zim. He was so happy that Zim was repaired but he truly hadn't expected to be thrown out. He hadn't anticipated that all of his effort and the last five years would be forgotten. He expected when he was fixed that Zim would be touched by Dib's devotion and grateful for his efforts. He would fall into his arms for a passionate kiss, then they would live happily ever after. Okay that wasn't a very well thought out scenario but it was the basic idea.

Banging above Dib's head told him that someone was climbing up the slide. Then a swooshing sound – the kid sliding down. This pattern went on for some time and Dib found himself getting irritated by it. He stuck his head out of one of the exits and said angrily "Go home, it's too late to be out playing!" The sound stopped instantly and Dib nodded to himself in satisfaction. He pulled himself back into the cave and when he stood up a pair of turquoise eyes were right in his face, but it was . . . Zim's body?

"ITS ME!" Gir's shrill voice came from Zim's mouth. He was also smiling vapidly with his tongue hanging out. "I was in Master all along!" Gir seemed very pleased with himself. "I'm the master now, check this out," Gir began making armpit farting noises, giggling to himself like an idiot.

"Gir, is something wrong? Are you stuck inside Zim? And stop making that noise, it's gross."

"Master's all messed up, he was hidin' in the closet like a jellybean. Sometime he yellin' at the demons, I don't see 'em tho." Gir was looking around all over as he said this, probably looking for squirrels

"Why did you come here?"

Gir turned his head and was suddenly very serious.

"Specimen sent me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib and Gir walked back into the base. It looked to Dib as if the house had been cleaned, then thrashed again in a different way. Furniture was thrown all over, there were claw marks on the arms of the couch and along the walls.

"Ok, Gir." Dib said with caution in his voice.

"You fix mah master with your big ol' head. BYE MARY!" Gir said and waved energetically.

Zim's head dropped and he was quiet for a moment. When he raised his head to regard Dib it was Specimen's faded red eyes he saw. He looked so sad Dib couldn't help but take him into what he hoped to be a comforting embrace.

"He's not fixed," Specimen said but didn't need to, it was obvious by the fact that Specimen still existed.

"But the computer repaired the files and mechanical damage in the PAK, everything should be like a clean slate," Dib said naively.

"That's just it, computer fixed the files and mechanical damage. That's all that's fixed."

Dib felt his confidence falter, "What do you mean?"

"You downloaded Zims consciousness into another vessel then downloaded him back after his was repaired," Dib nodded, not quite sure where this was going.

Specimen's gaze dropped to the floor as he continued, "That only fixed the source of the problem – PAK and Human are gone but we still exist in Zims consciousness.

"We?" Dib asked, not feeling very positive at the moment.

"Me and It and . . . " Specimen's words trailed off.

"Membrane," Dib finished for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib was back down in the lab, reading through the notes he had made over the past few months. He had an idea that is either brilliant, or really stupid. If it works then that will only leave one more small step to completing Zim and that was enough incentive for Dib to go forward.

The laptop that Gir had been connected to is now gone, along with the android. Dib had re-downloaded Gir's consciousness back into his old body then set him down on the couch. Immediately Gir latched onto the remote and began channel searching. He found a program to his liking then put the remote in his mouth.

Dib inspected the room one last time to make sure it was acceptable. Yep, one really scary-ass metal table with restraints on it able to move in any position desired. It was an exact replica of the table that bound Zim in his dad's lab for five years. Dib was terrified of this plan but was certain it would work. He checked the room again: yep, the table is right there. He is stalling.

Specimen came up behind him and said soothingly, "You don't have to do this, I think I am strong enough to be the main personality. I can be Zim for you!"

"Specimen, you can't be Zim."

"But Dib, Zim doesn't care about you! I do, I love you – why am I not good enough?"

"Specimen, please. This is difficult enough without making me have to choose between you two. Zim is the real person; everyone else split off him and was never supposed to exist in the first place. It breaks my heart every day to see him like this; he used to be so energetic and full of –"

"Himself?" Specimen offered spitefully.

"Life," Dib finished. He pulled Specimen into his arms and held him for a few moments. "This will work," he said as he pulled away. Specimen thought he heard Dib say "it has to," as he walked back toward the table but couldn't be entirely sure.

Dib undressed himself then lay down on the threatening table. It immediately latched onto his waist and neck. He stretched his arms out and the restraints tightened around his elbows and wrists, then his knees and ankles. Feeling numb Dib lay back his head for the neck and forehead clamps to cinch. Since Dib had no lekku the restrainer there just held down his hair scythe.

Dib opened his mouth to signal Specimen but it was dry, nothing came out. He licked his lips, closed his eyes and said the hardest thing he's ever had to say in his life, "I'm ready!"


	15. Chapter 15

"I'm ready." Dib was barely able to choke it out. The words echoed in his head as the lights went out. An incredibly blinding spotlight clicked on in Dib's face. He couldn't see a thing around him. A few seconds passed then he heard footsteps approaching the table, loud and deliberate.

"You evil thing," Membrane said, circling the table. Occasionally he would smack Dib or pinch his skin as he walked. "How did my son know what you are? What did you do to him?"

"Noth – " Membrane brought his elbow down on Dib's stomach, hard. The air rushed out of him and he wanted to double over but the restraints wouldn't allow it. He coughed and wheezed, eyes watering. Membrane smiled.

"You will not fight me. Do I need to update your programming again?"

Dib just stared at him through squinted eyes, not quite sure what to say. He wanted to learn more about that program - Membrane had mentioned it last time too. His words repeated in Dib's mind, "_why isn't that docility program working_?"

"That's better. Now, let's get you into the proper position for tonight's play." Membrane lifted the footbar up and clicked it near Dib's waist, this pushed Dib's knees back to his chest. The kneebar kept his legs open and he was totally exposed. His face flushed red in his embarrassment. Membrane sat down on his stool between Dib legs and snickered contemptuously at Dib's expression and the fact that he wouldn't meet Membrane's eyes.

"Now, tell me I own you." Membrane's eyes took on an even more sadistic look. Dib hadn't thought that possible.

"Y-you own me," Dib was starting to doubt his plan.

"And what is it that I own, exactly?"

"My life . . . ?" Dib said shakily, not quite sure what membrane was getting at but not wanting to anger him again.

"Oh yes, and what else?" Dib tried to think frantically what would placate the insane scientist.

"You own my . . . life, my body – you caught me."

"Ah yes, your life and your body. What parts of your body? Tell me." Dib noticed Membrane's voice sounded a little breathless and peered down at him only to snap his eyes back up to the ceiling when he saw what membrane was doing. He was stroking himself, getting turned on by Dib's shame. This was the most humiliating thing Dib had ever done and it was only going to get worse.

"Uh my brain –"

"Not like that!" Membrane cut Dib off. He stood up but still lewdly swung his semi-hard dick around. Dib was enthralled by Zim's erection before but with Membrane in control of it he found it disgusting, and he dreaded the thought of Membrane using it on him, _in_ him.

Membrane leaned down and put his ear against Dib's chest. His heart was fluttering like a caged bird.

"I like the sound of your fear," Membrane turned for a moment then when he faced Dib again he had a large knife in his hand. "I own your hearing, I own your heart," he brought the tip of the knife down to Dib's chest and drew some patterns on it just deeply enough with the tip to break the skin, blood came out in lazy, thin rivulets. He stopped drawing with it when it was directly over his heart, lacing both hands around the handle.

"What do I own?" He said with his shark-grin, ready to plunge it straight into Dib's heart if he received the wrong response.

"You own my hearing, you own my heart!" Dib yelled, close to tears.

"Those things are mine?" Membrane teased.

"Yes, they're yours!" Dib's breathing accelerated as Membrane began circling the table again, hand going back to his groin and tapped his almost fully erect penis against Dib's face rudely as he made his way around the front. Dib felt the saliva in his mouth go thin and feared he was going to vomit. "This is just so wrong," he thought." Membrane is going to rape me, his own son, using the body of the love of my life that sees me as the alien who he thinks drove his son insane." If Dib wasn't so shaken up he could have laughed.

"Membrane twirled and slammed his fist holding the knife against Dib's temple.

"And this? Your mind, do I own it?"

Dib's brain was reeling from the impact and all he could get out was squeaky, pathetic "Yes." He was unable to take his eyes away from his reflection in the blade that was so close to his face, he was shaking uncontrollably. Membrane used the tip of the knife to scoop up a bead of sweat that was on Dib's throat and brought it up to his own face and licked it off of the blade.

"I like the taste of your fear," he whispered, "I own your hearing and taste; I own your heart and mind. Must I blind you to prove that I also own your sight?"

Dib squeezed his eyes shut and frantically tried to shake his head back and forth as best he could, his terror had taken away his voice.

"How do I prove I own your soul?"

Dib whimpered and tears squeezed out of the corners of his eyes.

"Oh good, it does look as if that docility program is working. So let's get started, hmm?" Membrane happily threw the knife to the ground and grabbed the head of the table, wrenching it down so Dib was upside-down, head almost at floor level.

Membrane undressed. He seemed very satisfied with the way this was progressing, how wonderful real science is. When he was fully nude he held his foot out near Dib's chin.

"Lick it," He ordered. Dib tried not to notice Membrane's sinister grin or the fact that since the lab hadn't been swept in a while the bottom of Zim's foot was now dirty since he had taken off his boots. At least Irkens don't sweat so his foot didn't smell – "what a dumb thought to go through my head right now" Dib thought.

Dib stuck out his tongue and tried to lick the foot but he couldn't move is head very much due to the restraints. Membrane just started wiping his dirty foot all over Dib's tongue like it was a welcome mat.

"Don't forget between the toes!" he taunted. Membrane next got to his knees by Dib's restrained head. He stroked his hands through his hair with a slightly puzzled look on his face, as if wondering why there was hair on the alien. The moment didn't last long – Membrane got up on his knees and shoved Zim's huge cock in front of Dib's mouth.

"Now, lick this." he said sadistically. Dib knew this wasn't really his father; it was a strange human program running amok in Zim's PAK. Even though it was Zim's body which he found to be amazingly sexy and desirable he just couldn't get over the feeling that this is his father, demanding that Dib give him a blow job.

"Ah! No, no!" Dib said as he tried to turn his head away from the offending body part as much as he could.

"Really, what is going on with that program? It was designed to make you obedient." Membrane got up and walked over to a computer pad. He began tapping on it with his finger, running through files.

Programmed for obedience? They had forced Zim to obey them and not fight while they performed experiments and hideous acts like this on him? Dib hated his father even more at that moment, imagining him treating Zim the way he had been treating Dib so far and he was glad that Zim had attacked him so viciously at the lab when Dib had freed him from that malevolent table.

"I'm not going to risk getting my dick bitten off by that monster. He is still speaking English so the program isn't entirely faulty but he's resisting . . . " Membrane clicked his tongue absentmindedly while he scanned through files trying to find some problem with his computer codes.

"Ok, let's try this." Membrane said as he removed a flash drive from his computer pad. As he brought it over Dib wondered where he was going to insert it –"he must be able to see that I don't have a PAK, so he won't be able to plug it in" Dib thought. He was wrong.

Membrane came over and brought the table up level again. He shoved the flash in Dib's mouth and clamped his hand over it to keep it in. Dib choked on the device and tried to shake his head back and forth again. Membrane just held his hand down firmer.

"Swallow that so you can swallow this." Membrane said impatiently, gesturing to the huge cock that was suggestively poking Dib in the shoulder as Membrane leaned over him. Dib tried to swallow the flash drive but it was too big. He gagged against the hand holding his lips shut.

"Here, let me help," Membrane offered. Dib's eyes grew wide when he roughly fished the flashdrive out of Dib's mouth. Membrane grabbed the knife by the handle again and used it to smash all of Dib's front teeth out. Dib screamed as loud as he could in agony, blood pouring out of his gums. Next Membrane jammed the drive down his throat. Dib immediately began coughing and gagging. Membrane dropped a hinge at the neck that forced Dib's head to hang over the side. Membrane jammed the entire length of his dick down into Dib's throat.

"Let's wash that down there for you," Membrane laughed viciously. He began to thrust deep into Dib's throat with a fast and hard pace. Dib was trying to breathe and gag and thrash his head and vomit or do anything to stop this but he couldn't. He couldn't bite, he couldn't yell, couldn't move.

Just as Dib was beginning to lose consciousness Membrane pulled out and smacked the table so make it spin. He let it go for a few revolutions then stopped it at the other end and walked up between Dib's immobilized legs. Dib could feel him taking up position down there to fuck him.

"Nnn!" Dib cried out in distress, his throat was on fire and it hurt to try to speak. Of course Membrane did not slow down his entry and forced Zim's long organ in all the way to the root. Dib felt like his intestines had burst, he could feel it move into his abdomen and it was unbearable. After a few hard thrusts from Membrane Dib was again about to lose consciousness. Membrane pulled out again and slapped Dib in the face.

"Oh no, no escape for you. We still have lots more time for fun." Membrane leered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All night. Membrane had tortured Dib in hundreds of ways all night long. Pushing him until he was just about to pass out then backing off, allowing him to recover and starting again. After it was done Dib began sobbing as he thought of Zim going through this every night. What scars would he bear if Irken skin didn't heal so quickly and perfectly? The saw marks on his sheath were only still there since that area is so heavily armored there isn't much of a skin layer covering it but even those were faint.

Specimen came over and unlocked all of the restraints holding Dib on the table. Dib couldn't read his expression but they both knew what the rest of the plan was and had agreed that no matter what the other one may say they were going to go through with it.

So Dib stood proudly as best he could, missing many teeth in the front and naked, blood dripping down his chest and down his legs. He could feel a sharp pain in his abdomen that told him he probably had some internal bleeding but he would see to that later, if there was a later. They had to do this part now. Specimen stood before Dib, face to face. Neither spoke but Specimen reluctantly closed Zim's eyes. There was one beat when Dib almost ran away then Zim's eyes opened again. They were glossy black.


	16. Chapter 16

It circled the prey, the Dib. It had watched the Dib's voluntary suffering at the hands of the scientist thoughtfully through Zim's eyes. Now the skinny, pink thing stood before It bruised and bleeding - trembling. It could smell the internal damage but still Dib stood – helpless, resolute. It could smell death on the Dib's breath. It opened its mouth and ghosted its razor-sharp teeth around the Dib's neck, threatening to rip his throat out. He did not flinch.

Dib was there the first time It came to awareness. Membrane had just pulled his spent, cum-covered dick out of Zim's ass, panting heavily. Zim just lay on his back on the table, restrained in just about every place possible. His eyes were closed, resigned. Dib felt hate for his father when he looked up and their gazes met. Dib's face contorted in rage, Membrane cocked his head in confusion and Dib threw the key card he had replicated from his father's on the ground. Membrane's eyes followed it and Dib took advantage of the distraction and stormed into the room. He quickly slammed his hand on the release-button of the table and all of the restraints immediately unlatched. Zim's eyes shot open and he flew at Membrane without hesitation.

"Were his eyes black just then?" Dib thought aloud before he realized that Zim had every intention of killing Membrane right there - in just those few seconds Membrane was already covered in blood from head to toe. He was grunting with effort as he tried to fight off the furious Irken. Dib went to grab Zim's hand, they were wasting valuable time, when Membrane gave out a loud shriek that made Dib's ears ring. As much as Dib hated Membrane he wished he hadn't seen the fresh blood squirting out from where his penis had once been.

"Spit it out!" Dib yelled and grabbed Zim's hand, running as fast as he could out of the lab to the Voot cruiser that was parked outside.

It put its face up very close to Dibs, scenting it with jerky lekku and glared pointedly into Dib's eyes. Dib couldn't help his whimpers that were coming from him and his breathing had become fast and shallow. What he saw in Its primitive stare was not blind intent to kill - for the first time those inky black eyes showed understanding. Dib had put himself in Zim's position, totally vulnerable to Membrane's malice. Dib is not like other humans, he had experienced what Zim had experienced - they were now the same.

"I'm not like the others. You can trust me," Dib said unsteadily. It blinked but didn't back off yet. It suddenly opened its mouth as wide as it would go, which looked like the whole bottom half of Zim's face disappeared, and screeched as loudly as it could in Dib's face. Dib's hair blew back with the wind of it and his face was covered in Irken saliva. He felt like cowering in fear but stood his ground.

"I'll take care of him," Dib whispered. It looked at Dib one last time then slowly closed its eyes and bowed its head in acknowledgment.

"Gir," Dib managed to croak out.

The elevator doors suddenly burst open and Gir threw Professor Membrane out into the room. Membrane was tied up with several lengths of rope, blindfolded and gagged. It immediately emitted a loud, shrill battle cry that sounded like Hell's gate opening on rusty hinges to Dib. Gir jumped up on Dib's head and they both watched as It tore his father to shreds. The last thing Dib saw before he passed out was Professor Membrane's bloody entrails splattering against the wall.


	17. Chapter 17

The computer scans showed severe bruising to Dib's intestinal tract and esophagus but no perforations and thankfully no internal tearing of major blood vessels. Because of this after Dib had fallen unconscious Specimen took him over to the healing chamber instead of rushing him to the nearest human hospital.

Dib spent a week submerged in the purple gel which he could "breathe" easily, to his amazement. It also somehow fed his body with required nutrients so he didn't need to be fed. Specimen had spent almost every minute next to the chamber, devotedly watching over him. After five days Dib woke up feeling great. "That is some amazing healing gel!" he thought when he realized he had re-grown a full set of teeth. He then started trying to get Gir or the computer to let him out because he was bored. They wouldn't do it having been ordered by Specimen not to touch the controls for a full seven days, but sometimes Gir would come down and entertain Dib with tea parties and puppet shows.

Specimen insisted Dib rest for three weeks after he was released from the healing chamber. Specimen wouldn't allow Dib to walk unless he was going to the bathroom, and only then because Dib had begged for that. The rest of the time Specimen carried him to the couch to watch TV or to his chair to work on the computer and then at night he carried him to bed. Specimen also served Dib four meals a day on trays that he brought over, in essence he pampered Dib as much as he could and he loved every minute of it.

"Specimen, it's been a month. You know we have to finish this." Dib said one night. Specimen heard him but didn't reply at first. He had been lovingly massaging Dib's feet, his heart clenched at Dib's words. He knew Dib would want to get back to fixing Zim eventually but it still felt too soon, it would always be too soon. Specimen had been refusing to speak of it, telling Dib he was to focus on healing and resting. But now Dib was getting depressed and anxious. Specimen sighed.

"Are you sure you're strong enough? " Specimen stalled, refusing to meet Dib's eyes. These past few weeks nursing Dib had been Heaven for him. Being able to be so close to Dib, seeing to his every need – feeling wanted and needed. He didn't want to give that up now.

"Of course, I've felt strong enough for weeks." Dib pleaded.

"Oh, okay then." Specimen said, trying to disguise his wavering voice. Dib didn't notice it, elated that they were so close to bringing back 'his' Zim.

"Don't worry, I'm sure our plan will work," he said obliviously. "Come to bed." Dib said this to Specimen but his head was already full of thoughts of Zim. Specimen crawled under the sheets with Dib who smiled blissfully while he reached up to turn off the reading lamp. Dib rolled over on his side away from Specimen, settling in for a good night's sleep dreaming about his alien. This was the first time in the last three weeks that Dib didn't cuddle with Specimen for the night. Bedtime is Specimen's favorite time; he would snuggle up in Dib's strong arms and enjoy that closeness all night. Speicmen was thankful that Irkens don't sleep because he could enjoy every minute of it.

Specimen didn't want to spoil Dib's joy, he wanted Dib to be happy, always. Settling in for a long, lonely night he rolled away from Dib and a felt a tear rolled down his cheek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you sure we can't hook me up to computer? I'd feel much safer," Specimen asked for maybe the thirtieth time. He was sitting in Zims computer chair in the main lab.

"No, this is between you and Zim. It's up to you guys to sort it out alone." Dib answered. He had been smiling and humming to himself all morning while preparing for the last phase of 'the plan'.

"This is the most important phase of Zim's recovery. I trust you, Specimen. I knew from the beginning that you were the key." Dib sat on the floor, crossed his legs and looked up at Specimen expectantly.

"Dib?" Specimen hated to ruin Dibs great mood but he was scared. "Are you sure you want 'him' back? I treat you better than he ever did don't I?"

"Uh, I'm not quite sure how to answer that. You're a part of Zim, don't you want to return to him? To be a whole person again?" There it is again, the implication that Specimen isn't a "whole" person, therefore not a person at all. He knew Dib didn't mean to be cruel, he just wasn't thinking of anyone else right now but his beloved, but it hurt nonetheless.

"You know as well as I do how that guy denies anything he doesn't like, even when it's right in his face. What if I fail? What if he destroys me?"

"Hey, hey I know that won't happen," Dib knelt in front of Specimen and put his hand on his shoulders in what he thought was an encouraging way. "I believe in you, you'll bring him back. Don't worry."

Dib sat back down and looked up at Specimen again. "Whenever you're ready," he said.

"That's not what I meant . . ." The expectant look in Dibs eyes stopped Specimen from continuing to express his fears. He would never understand Specimen's feelings and he could never return them. Zim was the only one in his heart and as long as Specimen existed, Zim could not. Dib would grow to hate Specimen if he refused to go forward with this. So he gave Dib - his darling, his savior, his everything - one last longing look then took a deep breath. Specimen closed his eyes, perhaps for the last time.


	18. Chapter 18

"Zim," Specimen called. He had conjured up an image in his mind of two chairs facing each other with a light shining down on them for this final confrontation. Everything around it was black, nothing. Appropriate. In one of these chairs Specimen sat, the other was currently empty. "No more hiding, Zim. Face me!" This being a direct challenge Zim would not refuse it. He slowly walked out of the dark and reluctantly sat down, facing his alter-ego, "This ends now," Specimen finished.

"What ends? Who are you and what are you doing in my lab? Get out!" Zim shouted.

"This isn't your lab, and I am you."

"Enh? You speak crazy talk, only Zim can be Zim! You are an imposter,"

Specimen found himself already getting frustrated. He hated dealing with this pig-headed idiot.

"Zim, five years ago you were abducted by a group of hired thugs and brought to Professor Membrane's lab. Do you remember that?"

"Five years ago, what are you talking about? I've only been on Earth for three." Zim's eyes looked a bit shifty as he said this, as if he were a little uncomfortable.

"You were strapped to a metal table the entire time."

"Nonsense, no one can contain Zim."

"Horrible things happened to you in that lab, things you don't ever want to remember." Zim just averted his eyes at that statement, fidgeting. "Things that I can't ever forget. You created me so that you could run away." Specimen struggled to control his temper now, his bitterness at his own creation and how insulted he was feeling by Zim still avoiding him was making that very hard.

"When the humans learned enough about your PAK they deleted programs that hindered their research - like your military training and all languages other than English, and installed more convenient human ones."

"Pssh, if I had human programs in my PAK I would know,"

"They have been removed, stupid. Dib . . . Dib fixed your PAK."

"Dib? The Earth monkey? That is complete dookie, I'm done with you." Zim made as if he was going to get up and leave.

"Stop!" Specimen yelled in a strong voice. Zim actually froze at that and looked at Specimen with wide eyes.

"The programs the humans installed forced you into obedience - they took away your ability to resist and escape but cruelly not your desire to. Those programs were incompatible with your Irken PAK and the disparity caused your AI to split; half of your PAK was inept programs and the half that wasn't just ignored those – sound familiar?" Zim was being strangely quiet so Specimen continued.

"All of that has been fixed, no thanks to you, and now you and I are all that remain. You must accept me to be whole."

Zim looked off into the darkness as if he wanted to retreat back into it. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, almost whispering.

"Stop running away. I thought you were supposed to be 'mighty,'" Zims head snapped to Specimen at his sarcasm.

"Zim is the mightiest Irken that ever lived, except for the Tallests." He stated, but his words held no conviction.

"If you are so mighty then you would accept reality as it is, learn what you can from it and live on proudly anyway. Get over it! That's what makes you strong."

"I do not deny reality! Zim's life is just perfect."

"Just saying that you don't deny is denial! You're denying that you deny!"

"Uh . . . what?"

Specimen felt like he was ramming his head into a brick wall. He was reminded again just how stubborn and stupid Zim can be - what could he say to make Zim see what he didn't want to? His thoughts turned to Dib and what he would think if Specimen failed.

"Why don't you think about anyone else but yourself?" Specimen questioned.

"Invaders need no one," Zim replied but there was sadness his voice that Specimen had never heard before. He took advantage of it.

"You know you're not an Invader," Specimen said delicately.

"Zim is the best Invader that ever –!"

"You are not an Invader! You know that or I wouldn't know it - I'm you! I know what you know but you don't know what I - "

"Shut up, Zim is an Invader! Zim needs no one! Shut up!"

"Open your eyes, Zim! Think of the possibilities of how much better your life can be if you would just deal with your issues. By hanging onto your past you limit your future. You have to move on! Make what you can of what you have and -"

"Deal with my issues? Move on? What possible future could I have if I'm not an Invader? That's all I ever wanted to be. And an Invader would never allow himself to be captured by the inferior species he was supposed to vanquish! To be tortured and disgraced by them every day - !"

Zim stopped himself, eyes closing. He hadn't meant to say any of that, it just came tumbling out. He put his hands to his head and began shaking it back and forth. Specimen felt himself weaken, which ironically meant he was succeeding. Zim either had to accept Specimen, or kill him – as long as Specimen existed he would give Zim no respite. Either way after this final battle Specimen would be gone forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Zim?"

"Go away!"

"Look at me!"

"NO!"

"Stop avoiding me! You will acknowledge me! You have nowhere else to go and I have nothing else to lose!" Specimen felt himself getting stronger again, meaning that Zim was tuning him out.

"No," Zim said again, disagreeing just to disagree. Zim was sitting on the ground, refusing to sit in the chair or look at Specimen, choosing to be difficult and immature since he wasn't getting his way.

"Are you going to throw a tantrum? Go ahead, there's nobody here but you." Specimen said it mockingly but then realized just how true those words were.

"Maybe you should have a tantrum, you know get all of your emotions out," Specimen offered, strangely compassionate.

"Irkens have no emotions – "

"But you're a defective Irken," Specimen stepped on a land mine with that statement. Zim stood up in a flash and approached Specimen aggressively, looming over him as much as his diminutive size would allow. His gaze was intensely offended.

"You cannot say that to me. Zim is no defect, how dare you say that to me," He said it surprisingly calmly but the words were full of venom. Understanding dawned on Specimen, he had found a tender spot. He decided to poke it.

"That's it, isn't it? That's the root of your obstinacy. You feel inadequate – "

"Don't try to psychoanalyze me!"

"You feel rejected by your entire race for reasons you can't rectify, reasons that someone shouldn't be judged on – "

"Shut up-!"

"Like your height, so you over-compensate –"

"I am warning you, Zim-fake. I will destroy you!"

"So you strive to be the one thing an Irken like you can be that can earn you any respect: an Invader. You just want to be seen – "

"Zim is not weak!" Zim screamed then lunged at Specimen, claws and teeth bared.

Zim clawed at Specimen's face and shirt, ripping open skin and fabric, in a blind fury. Specimen did nothing, just allowed Zim to continue mauling him.

"Why do you not fight me?" Zim finally asked.

"Why should I fight you?" Specimen countered.

"Uh . . . " Zim was confused.

"Zim, you have every right to kill me. I am a part of you, not the other way around. I will never leave you alone; I demand that you make a choice today. You either recognize me – the part of you that is the embodiment of the worst parts of your life, and move on or you kill me and continue to live obliviously and unhappily."

"Isn't the expression 'ignorance is bliss?'" Zim snarled. He stopped clawing at Specimen and wrapped his hands around his throat instead. "You think I don't see anything? I won't see reality? I see that human and how he looks at you. He may look at you, but he sees me." Specimen closed his eyes in resignation, feeling weaker and weaker by the moment but not for the same reason as before. "I know what he is to you, Zim is not stupid. I saw you perform the bonding ritual with him. Disgusting." Zim said coldly. He began to squeeze his fingers. "After I kill you, I will kill him." Zim smiled nastily and put his weight into throttling Specimen.

Zim had made his choice: he had chosen to forever close himself off and pretend to be someone he's not, someone he could never be. The murderous look in his eyes was unwavering and Specimen was helpless to change it. He thought of Dib and those three weeks they'd shared together almost as if they were a couple. He thought back to how the last five years had been such an ordeal and how he and Dib had gotten so close these past few months, fighting together to get this far.

Specimen had grown so much stronger than when he had first manifested. Then he was confused and distrustful, he hadn't even been able to tell people apart – he was just so afraid of everyone. Feeling what it was like to be cared for; Dib had given him so much. Dib's vulnerability showed Specimen that it was ok to depend on someone else and it doesn't mean one is weak. Dib's tenderness gave Specimen confidence and taught him that as long as there's one person who loves someone they are never alone. Specimen suddenly realized something.

Zim backed off, looking at Specimen in alarm.

"What happened?" he said unevenly. "I feel . . . different."

Specimen stood up and began walking toward Zim. "You don't feel different, you feel weaker. I thought you had to accept me, that you were the one with the power - the one to decide our fate. But I don't think that's the answer. I'm the strong one now, I'm the one who's accepted all of the pain and rejection and moved on, I'm the one who recognizes my flaws but isn't limited by them. I'm the one who chose to love someone despite my imperfections." Zim took a step back for every one Specimen took forward. "And I'm the one who blamed you for everything." When Zim had backed up as far as he could without stepping into the darkness he stopped, trying not to cower – he could withdraw no further.

"I forgive you." Specimen smiled and took Zim into his arms.


	19. Chapter 19

Dib was in the main lab, pouring over his biology notes and texts again. Zim came up behind him and buried his forehead in the nape of Dib's neck, draping his lekku lazily over Dib's head and into his face.

"You study too much," Zim said as he nuzzled there. Dib playfully blew at Zim's lekku.

"College is hard," Dib said contentedly. Zim stood up and took off his gloves so he could rub Dib's neck with his soft hands.

"You do that a lot now," Dib commented then turned and looked into Zim's eyes. Ever since the reunification Zim's eyes had become maroon. Dib loved the new color.

"Do what?"

"You touch my skin all the time, not that I'm complaining . . . uh, never mind." Dib's face flushed when he said this, feeling awkward for even bringing it up.

"Gir's waiting for you," Zim evaded. He put his gloves on again then left Dib to his studies.

Later that night Dib and Gir were sitting on the couch waiting for Zim to bring the snacks. It was time for their weekly late-night movie marathon and all three were eager to watch the 12-movie Horror saga Gir had chosen. Zim came in with a big bowl of buttered popcorn for Dib and Gir and three ice-cold sodas. Gir snatched the popcorn bowl and his soda and scrambled on the top of the couch. He took the DVD remote out of his head and pushed play.

Zim snuggled up against Dib. A few moments later Dib felt Zim's lekku softly caressing his face and hair.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"You just touch me all the time, with your hands or lekku. I seriously feel stupid now, but it means something right?"

Zim just smiled at him coyly, returning his attention to the movie that was now starting.

"We're a family!" Gir shouted happily, stirring his soda into the popcorn with the remote.

About ten minutes later Dib was highly engrossed in the ridiculous slasher movie. He suddenly felt Zim's hand under his shirt, rubbing his stomach - glove off again. Dib smiled to himself and prepared to launch his attack.

"Wah!" Zim yelled when, without any warning Dib tackled him – pinning him to the couch with his weight. His hands were at Zim's neck in a flash, tickling him mercilessly, and Zim couldn't help his laughter from ringing out.

"Master's letting out his fairy-dust!" Gir giggled.

"Fairy dust?" Dib asked.

"Pheromones," Zim corrected, gazing sweetly up at Dib from his position below him.

"?"

"Why do you think I always wear gloves?" Zim asked.

"Uh . . . your hands are cold?" Dib said dumbly.

"These fibrils on my hands and lekku are like scent glands – it's how Irkens declare their mates. I don't want to go around accidentally marking everything as mine."

Dib felt touched by this. He remembered how Specimen had felt his face with his hands and lekku that time when they were intimate. Dib had felt very bonded to him after that.

Dib put his thumbs over Zim's eyelids and gently closed them. He softly ran his finger tips over Zim's cheeks and neck. Since he didn't have lekku to complete the ritual he used his lips, ghosting kisses all over Zim's face. Zim opened his eyes and locked gazes with Dib, he looked very serious.

"I love this show." Gir said.


End file.
